5 Friends to Bond in a Church

[Sandy]

My wife and I have been attending our current church for four years, and have been members for three. It is Christian and Missionary Alliance, which is, in many ways very much like a Baptist church, including its theology and doctrine. On the other hand, the churches are elder ruled, and the denominational control, especially related to ownership of facilities, is very tight.

This particular congregation numbers about 80 people, with a good balance of various ages. Our connection hasn't been so much through friendship as it has been through involvement in ministry. I've served as a deacon for two years, and my wife was the VBS director for two years. We went to a home group for a while, in order to be in a place where we could build relationships. Good Bible study, but not much in the way of social activity among the group members. It met for about a year, and then died out.

The preaching is solidly Biblical, doctrinally sound, applicable and relevant. The worship has gone through transition as the worship leaders who were there when we first came left about a year and a half ago, and in the transition, moved back toward a more traditional format from what was a much more contemporary style. That's been one aspect, among several related to elder rule, that, combined with the lack of close relationships, are making us think about finding another church. If we had several friends in the church, it might be different.

[William Thornton]

To what do you attribute your failure to find friendships in the church after being there four years?

[Sandy]

[Tim Bonney]

Sandy,

What is the distinction between Deacons and Elders in the CMA? Is it similar to the Presbyterian Church where the Elders are basically the governing board?

[Sandy]

Deacons in the CMA are the servants of the church, with regard to its ministry to widows, widowers, the elderly, benevolence, and church events. Elders are the decision making body, are ordained, and function in much the way that the session would operate in a Presbyterian church. The biggest difference is that CMA churches are not connectional as far as ecclesiastical authority goes. There are districts and district superintendents, but the churches call their own pastors, and ordain their own elders. Essentially, the superintendent coordinates missions work in his district (schools, camps, church planting) and manages the property of the churches.

[Tim Bonney]

Do the deacons help with communion as in a Baptist church?

[Sandy]

No, the Elders serve communion. The elders function sort of like Deacons in a Baptist church, but also like part time, or volunteer staff. We have vocational elders and volunteer elders. The vocational elders are the pastor, and the associate pastor who does youth, students and children's ministry. We have volunteer elders who supervise the worship, the discipleship ministry and evangelism/outreach.

[Stephen Fox]

Baptist in 94 or so.

My five friends or so were

Susan Weaver

Andy Myers

Two of the pastors sons Mark and John and Matthew, that's three

I drove the deputy sheriff's daughter off the parking lot down an embankment after choir practice one evening, another memorable moment I reminisced last night.

And with another they became the nexus of the Collinsvile Film society

Later I befriended Buddy Acker, Aracely and Jennifer Cortina and for a while J.R. Bobo and Thomas Barksdale and I were friends; and Hortense Blanton.

[Tim Bonney]

[Sandy]

Well, the CMA wasn't originally planned to be a denomination. It was a missionary movement started by a Presbyterian pastor who got into a disagreement with his elders over whether the dock workers in New York that he had preached to, and won to Christ, would be allowed to attend the church he pastored. It was both a social class movement, since the dock workers didn't mix well with the upper crust Presbyterians in his church, and a departure from a more rigid form of Calvinism. As it developed, the churches took a Presbyterian form of local church governance, while the organization itself is described as a mix of congregational, Presbyterian and Episcopalian polity. The districts and superintendents supervise property of the churches like the Episcopal church does, with no ecclesiastical authority, and are mainly responsible for the mission work. There's no connectional, ecclesiastical relationship between the churches, so outside of the ownership of the property, each congregation is independent and autonomous. Perhaps the biggest difference between CMA and Baptists is that the mission giving in a CMA church is separate from the general budget offering, so when you put your envelope in the plate, you have to designate how much you are giving to missions. As an example, last year our congregation collected about $300,000 in offerings, and about $120,000 of it was designated for the mission fund. That's pretty typical of a CMA congregation.

[Tim Bonney]

It looks like the Superintendent does have some authority in that he has to approve the Elder's choice for pastor. (If I'm reading the CMA website correctly.)

[Sandy]

[KeithE]

[Tim Bonney]

[Sandy]

[Tim Bonney]

[Mrs Haruo]

When we had to go far from our old neighborhood to find a house to buy in our price range, we checked out many churches in our new neighborhood when the one hour bus trip to our old church got to be too hard in bad weather or when my arthritis was acting up. We live in a very diverse area, so there are many "ethnic" churches. I wasn't surprised to get a few strange looks when we would visit a church where our skin color didn't blend in with the majority in a congregation, but was welcomed in a friendly manor by most. One church that really surprised me was a larger "community" church that we attended that has lots of programs during the week, and many thriving ministries for different ages, but we found was a spin-off church plant of a mega-church 20 miles away with a much more conservative twist on theology than we are comfortable with, so we haven't returned. I was very surprised and disappointed to not even get so much as a follow up phone call from the pastor or his wife. In the past, (like 20 years ago) when I was new to an area and did a little "church shopping" to find a new church home, I remember getting phone calls and even a personal visit from someone in the congregation- it made me feel wanted when I was feeling rather dislocated and lonely. This was near a large military base, however, so maybe they were used to a more transient population.

[Dave Roberts]

I'm afraid that many churches do little in terms of deliberate outreach to visitors. I had a pastor growing up who said, "If the church hasn't contacted them by Wednesday night, don't look for them next Sunday."

[James]

Our new, only been here one+ year says the magic number is six. I have context friends (about 25) who know something about me in addition to the fact that I am a church member and sing in the choir. My wife and I between us have six friends in the church. When we joined the church, it was made clear to us that we did not really belong because we were not Hampton natives. But we were greeted by a member on our first visit and introduced to the pastor.

Part of the friendship thing is that most of our close friends have died or moved away and that my wife and I are somewhat cautious/reluctant to make friends, but in the last year or two, I have earned the respect of more than a few. When I speak in deacons or in business meetings, people listen.

[Mrs Haruo]

Oh, and pastors: If you are going to be telling racist, homophobic jokes from the pulpit, don't expect me to return. I have a rather diverse extended family that I have often invited to church activities I hoped they would enjoy. I haven't so far had much success. Most have been very turned off by the whole "church thing" before. If I thought they would they be made to feel insulted or uncomfortable, instead of welcomed with open arms, I would be very unhappy to say the least.

[Dave Roberts]

[Haruo]

[KeithE]

[Mrs Haruo]

Haruo, Thank you for extracting me from the jaws of yuck. I was having a hard time getting out all by myself.

[Sandy]